


Hnnnghh laundromat hngggghhhh autumn

by missBehavior



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Autumn to the third power, Eventual demon apocalypse, Laundromats, Other, aloe calpis, and it’s mysterious superfluous nature, curmudgeonly older siblings (ment)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:28:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27958406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missBehavior/pseuds/missBehavior
Summary: Laundry day. Don’t we all dread it? Eridan does, that’s for sure. On this particular laundry day, however, he has a chance encounter which may change the course of his entire life. Or at least his afternoon.
Relationships: Eridan Ampora & Aradia Megido
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	1. As one door closes, another one opens. The closing one in particular being the front door of Megido’s laundry. Heating is expensive, da*mit!

**The familiar tinkle of chimes is heard as a crisp autumn breeze flows through the laundromat. Eridan props the door open with his back, hands preoccupied with an overstuffed hamper. Inside the venue is your typical modest smalltown northeastern affair; Strange abstract artworks that look like they’ve been fading on the walls since the 1950’s, hung near the door beside a wall of beat up old washing machines. The** **grubby** **( but not so grubby as to warrant a health code violation ) green and yellow tile floor is plastered with those strange fuzzy mats and old 80’s pop crackles from an ancient radio on the front desk. Behind the desk, feet propped up and reading a comic book, is an oddly familiar face.**

ERIDAN : ara wwhat the hellre you doin here

**From her precariously perched spot Aradia Megido rearranges her gangly limbs into a less lackadaisical position. She reluctantly shuts her Spider-Man #95 and turns to face the customer.**

ARADIA : the sign 0ut fr0nt says megid0s laundry cant you read

ARADIA : als0 i sh0uld be asking y0u the same thing isnt y0ur family rich

ARADIA : with that much m0ney d0nt y0u 0wn a washing machine? 

ARADIA : 0r was it all a lie t0 make y0u feel better ab0ut y0urself

**Eridan’s knuckles whiten as he grips the hamper tighter, incensed.**

ERIDAN : no it is NOT a lie i wwill havve you knoww that wwere fuckin loaded its just that no one in my house knowws howw to use the wwashin machine and can you please just take the money and wwork your laundry wwitch majjyks or wwhatevver the fuck it is that you do

ERIDAN : ALSO also youre not the usual megido so my confusion is justified

ERIDAN : wwheres your evvil old granny at anywway

ARADIA : babas taking jazzercize less0ns d0wn at the recreati0n center s0 im in charge while shes 0ut

ARADIA : well technically damaras in charge 

ARADIA : but she pr0claimed me laundry sheriff 0f the h0use before leaving as fast as was tr0lly p0ssible 

ARADIA : and besides i have n0thing better t0 d0

ARADIA : that was a lie i have a near endless am0unt 0f better things t0 d0

**The conversation slows to a halt. Eridan has finally managed to drag his hamper to the front desk and is taking a well earned rest. Orange~yellow afternoon sunlight streams through the display glass, illuminating the laundromat interior. For a few seconds, the world is at peace.**

ARADIA : s0 y0ure seri0usly telling me n0t a single individual in y0ur h0use is able t0 w0rk the washing machine??

**The aforementioned peace is promptly thrown out the window.**

ERIDAN : WWE TRIED OK its this fancy ass piece a shit that came wwith the place no one can figure out wwhich fuckin extraneous button youre supposed to press in order to get the damn thing to function

ERIDAN : dad gavve it a shot once and flooded the entire basement

ERIDAN : actually im prolly not supposed to tell you that since he wwas super embarrassed so how about wwe pretend that nevver happened

**ARADIA : s0unds g00d t0 me**

****

ERIDAN : thank fuck

ERIDAN : ...

ERIDAN : all right lets get this ovver wwith

**Eridan rummages through his pockets and pulls out a small mountain of loose change. After slowly poring through it to make sure it’s exactly the right amount ( of course it is he wouldn’t be caught DEAD mismanaging money ), Aradia curtly nods, shoves it into the cash register-since the coin slots have been broken for as long as anyone can remember-, then rises to her feet so she can separate the reds from the whites.**

**Eventually she slams the door shut, presses a few dozen buttons, and soon enough the rumbling of machinery can be heard. Eridan is still present, legs dangling off the side of the front counter. Unlike Aradia he has absolutely nothing better to do. He is, although he would never admit it, short on friends. He watches as she slumps back into her seat, tucks a loose lock of jet black hair behind her horns, and begins to leaf through another comic book. Doom Patrol this time. Nice.**

**There’s nothing much to do, really. Other than watch pieces of fabric tumble round and round in an endless cycle.**

**. . .**

**ERIDAN : god this is boring**

**ERIDAN : im fuckin starvvin you got anything to eat around here**

**  
Aradia opens her mouth, as if to say something along the lines of**

**this is a laundr0mat n0t a restaurant y0u entitled d0uche can0e,**

**before remembering that she didn’t eat lunch and could also use a snack.**

ARADIA : i think we have s0me left0ver mis0 fr0m last night

ARADIA : h0ld on let me check

**Aradia rises from her seat yet again and flips the sign on the door, ensuring no impatient customers will be waiting when they return. She then strides to the back of the room, twisting a key absentmindedly left in the closet doorknob. Rather than a closet, to Eridan’s surprise, is a short hallway plastered with garish paisley wallpaper, at the end of which is a battered screen door. Aradia waves him over and they exit the laundromat through the not-so-secret back entrance.**

**She leads him down a path composed mainly of ancient wooden steps and overgrown roots, careful not to slip on fallen leaves. At the path's end is a trailer home, surrounded by trees and heralded by a makeshift lamppost.**

**ERIDAN : wwhy dont you just livve abovve the laundromat**

**ERIDAN : must be a pain in the ass to wwalk up all those damn stairs each morning**

**Aradia shrugs, not entirely sure herself.**

ARADIA : it was full 0f junk when baba b0ught it

ARADIA : she figured cleaning up s0me0ne elses mess wasnt w0rth her time and g0t a trailer instead

ARADIA : ive never been up there myself th0ugh s0 wh0 can say!

ARADIA : anyway this is my h0use

ARADIA : welc0me!


	2. CHAPTER TWO : in which a tag receives its explanation.

With practiced movement Aradia shoves the door past its too-tight jamb and discards her shoes beneath the coatrack.  
Indoors is a cluttered mess. Stacks of papers and various jars are strewn across the kitchen counter, which is crammed in the same space as a living room and dining table. She grabs a couple of mismatched mugs from an overstuffed cabinet, then sets them atop the only visible open space before rummaging through the fridge.

Eridan hesitantly kicks off his sneakers and places them beside the shoes heap. He examines the living-kitchen-dining room, unsure of what exactly he’s supposed to do. Does he sit on the sofa, at the table, or does he just stand there? Luckily before he can make a move Aradia steps back from the refrigerator, hands on her hips.

ARADIA : were 0ut 0f mis0

ARADIA : but i d0 have calpis and animal crackers

ARADIA : w0uld y0u rather have al0e 0r strawberry?

ERIDAN : aloe

ERIDAN : isnt that the shit they put in fancy hand sanitizers

ARADIA : yes but y0u can als0 drink it

ARADIA : it tastes kind 0f like tadp0les

ERIDAN : wwell in that case ill havve the strawwberry because wwhat kinda moron wwould purposefully ingest a glass of fuckin tadpole wwater

ARADIA : hehe yeah im n0t really sure why we keep it ar0und

Shrugging off the superfluous nature of aloe calpis, Aradia snatches the jug of strawberry and fills each of their plastic mugs. Then, rather than take her time dishing out appropriate portions, she grabs the entire bin of animal crackers. Infinitely more efficient and rewarding, if a bit messy. ( The crumbs get EVERYWHERE.) She heaves herself onto a barstool and plops the bin upon the counter. Eridan slowly sips his calpis. It’s surprisingly sweet, in an artificially flavored way.  
He glances at Aradia, and

what the devil.

is she  
putting mustard on animal crackers

Now, a polite houseguest wouldn’t question their host’s customs. Polite houseguests shrug these things off, and if they really must inquire then they do so in a calm and respectful manner.

ERIDAN : wwhat the evverlovvin FUCK are you doin

ARADIA : what d0 y0u mean

ARADIA : i am merely adding s0me much needed flav0r

ARADIA : d0nt y0u seas0n y0ur animal crackers?

She bites into one like a socialite sampling hors d'oeuvres. Eridan is tempted to slap it out of her hands, if only to save her from herself.

ERIDAN : no im pretty sure this is a you thing

ARADIA : huh

ARADIA : …

ARADIA : want 0ne? 0u0

ERIDAN : NO

ERIDAN : i mean

ERIDAN : no

ERIDAN : if you think id wwillingly consume that honey dijon abomination then youre sorely fuckin mistaken

ARADIA : suit y0urself

His distaste wavers ever so slightly. Think about it, Eridan. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Aside from all those other once in a lifetime opportunities where the mustard and animal crackers were visibly in reach of one another at his own home but it just never really occurred to him, you know? Does it ever really occur to anyone when they see a perfectly good animal cracker to slather mustard on it? And if it does, why?

ERIDAN : ok fine ill try one

ERIDAN : hand it ovver

She grins, squirts some mustard on an errant cracker, and passes it to Eridan. Gingerly, he raises it to his mouth……

BLU-what. 

It’s just mustard. Not great, but not that awful either. What’s the big deal? We all need to settle down here.

Aradia munches on another one, then grimaces.

ARADIA : bleh

ARADIA : i think ive has en0ugh 0f these

ARADIA : in case it was unclear i d0nt actually enj0y this c0mb0nati0n i just th0ught 0f it a minute ag0 t0 fuck with y0u

ARADIA : but n0w the j0ke has l0st its taste

ARADIA : literally and metaph0rically

ERIDAN : WWWWHAT

ERIDAN : damn i wwasnt expectin that from you a all people

ERIDAN : wwell played

ERIDAN : these arent that awwful though i mean i could get used to this

ARADIA : 0_0

Aradia’s attention wavers, sidling over to the grandfather clock, smushed between various bins against the far wall. It’s only been ten minutes. The laundromat closes in four hours, and Eridan’s almost done with his drink. If she doesn’t think of something fast she’ll have to go back to WORK. Even dealing with this douchebag is better than slowly decomposing behind a desk all day. Gears turn frantically behind her poker face as she searches for a way to pass the time. At last, it dawns on her.

ARADIA : hey eridan

ARADIA : have y0u ever heard 0f a:tla?

**Author's Note:**

> For those wondering Damara snuck off to press all the buttons on the “test me” Halloween decorations at Home Depot.
> 
> Let me tell you I have never known true infuriation before I tried to use HTML to get the colours right for this lovely little ficlet! TC, my dearest, spectacular at coding friend, if you can see this thank you for you assistance! ^u^


End file.
